


Your Secrets Keep You Sick, Your Lies Keep You Alive

by Crimson5Drake



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied past Neil/Kavinsky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-10-03 12:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17283755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimson5Drake/pseuds/Crimson5Drake
Summary: A stranger from Neil’s past makes an appearance at Palmetto State and it throws Neil into overdrive. He does and he doesn’t want the stranger to recognize him for various reasons.He’s a past flame for one. Neil is worried things are going to fall apart with his new family for two.He’s never had a family before and Neil will be damned if he lets anything happen to this one. He will also be damned if he has to admit out loud that he considers this ragtag Exy team is his family.(Takes place after Neil receives the phone from Andrew. After that, things turn away from canon.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know Neil’s mom died on the west coast in canon and that he hitchhiked to Arizona, so I changed a few of those minor pre-canon details to fit the fic. 
> 
> That said, I’ve been reading up on the Raven Cycle characters and Kavinsky totally caught my eye, especially with his dreaming abilities. Thus, this was born.
> 
> Also, to fit both canons and have this fit together easier, the Raven kids are roughly the same ages as the Monsters.

Neil sat up straighter when the stranger entered the room. “...Shit...” he mumbled quietly upon recognizing the 'stranger'.

Aaron looked up. He looked at the stranger and trained his eyes back on Neil. “What?” he whispered from Neil's right. He had the unluck of sharing morning calc classes with Neil, much to his dismay.

Neil swallowed and shook his head. “I'm fine,” Neil replied without thinking.

Aaron nodded dismissively. He knew bullshit when he heard it, but he wasn't going to prod when Neil obviously wasn't going to open up. He was like Andrew in that sense. Aaron didn't fail to notice Neil shrinking down in his seat and turning his face away when the stranger walked passed them to the empty seat some rows behind theirs.

* * *

After calc, Neil booked it back to Fox Tower and flew into the room he shared with Matt. He closed the door behind himself and locked it before diving into his safe to remove his duffle bag. He gingerly removed his binder and flipped through the pages that hid secrets and keys to his past. In the back of the binder, he removed a page that documented the start of Kevin Day's rise to fame. Behind it, in the sheet protector was a fake ID that Neil had saved, the only one.

He removed it and studied it, studying his picture. He remembered in vivid detail the day he received the ID. His identity at that point in time had been Malcolm Call and he'd found himself in a small town, far off the beaten path.

* * *

_What he'd been doing in Virginia was beyond him. He knew it was dangerous, he knew it was too close to home, but he needed to rest, he needed to breathe. What he needed was to keep running but he was mentally and emotionally exhausted._

_His mother had just died; he'd spent the day before burning her body and their ride. He spent the rest of the time from there to here hitching rides with truckers. Two to be precise. The last few hours had been spent walking from the interstate to wherever he was now._

* * *

He wondered if Kavinsky would recognize him now if they spent enough time together, regardless of his current dark hair and dark brown contacts.

* * *

_Nathaniel knew what he needed to do. He needed another identity. He currently didn't have access to getting a fake ID at the moment, but he could at least change his hair. His eyes were the easy part. He had multiple pairs of dark brown contacts that were so dark in his eyes that they literally looked black._

_After some more walking, Nathaniel found himself in a small town. After some scanning and wandering around town, he found a drugstore and scanned their selection of hair dye. He found some cheap sandy brown hair dye and bought a few boxes, hoping it would stick to his current ash blond hair._

* * *

Neil was startled out of his thoughts by the rattle of the doorknob. He thrust the fake ID into his pocket and stuck the news clipping in the back pocket of the binder before he quickly stuffed it back into his bag. He forced the bag back into the safe and put it back into its hiding place.

The door opened only milliseconds later to reveal Matt, not to Neil's surprise. He was, however, surprised to see Kavinsky behind him. “Meet our new roommate.”

Neil gave them both a quick nod, before slipping out the door passed Matt, completely rattled. “Don't wait up for me,” he intoned quietly to Matt before heading up to the roof. Hopefully, Andrew was close by. Neil needed his fix even though he never actually smoked.

He didn't know if he could trust himself to go for a run without actually running away. He was thankful to find Andrew on the roof, cigarette in hand. Neil sat on the edge next to Andrew, thankful for the peaceful silence. He fingered the edges of the ID in his pocket. He was tempted to throw it off the roof. Neil couldn't even remember why he'd kept it, except he could still feel the way Kavinski's lips ghosted against his once upon a time.

Neil seriously needed a drink. He didn't drink though. What he really needed was to get away. He glanced over at Andrew. “What do you say about a trip to Columbia?” His tone was nonchalant but Neil felt anything but.

Andrew turned his gaze on Neil, regarding him blankly. Neil felt Andrew's gaze along every inch of his body. He took a long drag from his cigarette and exhaled slowly in Neil's face, gaze never wavering. He stood up. “Meet me after practice,” he told Neil before walking off.

Neil flopped back, splaying his arms and exhaled deeply. He closed his eyes and found himself back in the past, back in that small town.

* * *

_Henrietta, Virginia was the destination that Nathaniel finally found himself in late that night. He wasn't expecting any place to be open. He wasn't even expecting the small town to have a hotel. He did, however, stumble across an open bed and breakfast. If it wasn't for the need to dye his hair, he would have slept in the park or on a street bench but as it was, he needed a shower, not a bathroom sink, to rinse the dye from his hair._

_It was while he was crossing the street that he almost got killed. He jumped away from the speeding car just in time to shout after it._ Thief _read the license plate._

* * *

Neil vividly remembered the interior of that car. Black leather seats, black leather interior, not a spot on anything, and not a speck of dust to be seen.

He groaned and sat up. If Kavinsky was, in fact, his new roommate, replacing Seth, that meant that Kavinsky was not _only_ his new roommate but also a new teammate. He swung his legs away from the ledge and moved into the center of the roof so he wouldn't be tempted to throw himself off the ledge.

Neil supposed he needed to eat something before Exy practice and found himself knocking on the door that led into the Monsters' shared dorm. Andrew opened the door and raised his eyebrow. “I came to try one of Kevin's health drinks,” Neil found himself saying in response.

Kevin grinned from the background and walked to the kitchen. “One kale smoothie coming right up.”

Neil was already regretting his decision and Kevin was only just pulling the kale from the fridge. This was going to be a long practice.

“I hope you're ready for nothing but kale in that smoothie,” Nicky told him. “There's nothing else to it than ground up kale.”

Neil tilted his head at Nicky and walked into the kitchen to see Kevin adding ice cubes to the blender. “Why not just eat straight kale then if that's all this is,” he suggested to Kevin.

“There's also egg whites,” Kevin said from inside the fridge. He stood up and closed it, throwing a look at the living room. “You know, when we actually _have_ eggs.”

“We're broke college students, Day,” Andrew's voice cut from the living room. “You know that.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Says the guy who takes us to Eden's Twilight whenever the mood calls for it.”

“Which will be tonight after practice, by the way,” Andrew told him, leaning into the kitchen doorway. “No ifs, ands, or buts.”

“We're stopping for eggs on the way home,” was all Kevin had to reply with.

* * *

Practice was interesting, to say the least. Kavinsky knew how to keep everyone on their toes with feints and rebounds. At one point he made a strong shot at a wall and everyone watched as it rebounded off the far wall and made its way back toward Andrew. The shot was obviously blocked, but the team was impressed with the strength of the shot.

The only one not surprised by the way Kavinsky played was Neil. He tried to act it though to keep up pretenses. He wasn't sure if keeping up this rouse was going to be simple or difficult, but it would stay simplified if they weren't paired up for any class projects.

That's how this had started to begin with.

* * *

_Nathaniel desperately wanted to fit in. He desperately wanted a place to stay, to call home, but he knew he shouldn't stay. He knew he needed to run._

_Why then, was he sitting in English class, doing class work? Why then did he have bio next followed by geometry?_

_He was being stupid and reckless by staying in one place, especially since he was toeing the line. Two more weeks would mark a month. A month of living in Henrietta, a month since he was almost hit by Thief._

“ _I have a project for you all that's going to involve my morning class,” the teacher said. “I'm pairing you all with someone from my morning class and you two will each be working on a project together for a semester grade.” Nathaniel's stomach dropped at those words but stayed tuned in to what the teacher was saying. “The morning class each picked a project to work on. Who you are paired with decides what project you are assigned.” Hands went up. “They were not given a choice. They picked their assignments from a hat just like you will be picking partners.” He slowly paced the front of the room catching eyes with every student that had their hands raised as he spoke. “Once partners are chosen, there will be no trading, just like my morning class was not allowed to trade their project assignments.”_

_Nathaniel raised his hand._

“ _Yes, Malcolm?” the teacher answered._

“ _What are the project assignments, sir?”_

“ _Ah, glad you asked that, Mr. Call.” He smiled, though it looked more like a sneer with the teacher's hooked nose and snide demeanor. “The assignments that are chosen consist of epic poetry, script writing, or story writing.” At the noises arising from the class, he continued. “This will be a year-long project.” Nathaniel wanted to facedesk, but didn't want to risk drawing attention to himself. “Each quarter, you will be graded on different parts. This quarter you will be graded on format. If you and your partner want to start with storyboarding and outlining, that is fine. If you want to start with a rough draft instead, that is also acceptable. My only request is that you turn in a finished product at the end of the year. If you and your partner want to talk to me about genre or if you have questions about my guidelines, talk to me during my office hours. I also have my contact information on the sheet that has your project information on it.”_

_By the end of the class, Nathaniel was convinced that he couldn't leave now. He didn't want to burden his partner with doing the project themselves. He also learned that he needed to make an email address to contact the teacher over the weekends._

_Nathaniel realized he should have left town as soon as he arrived. This was getting complicated and Nathaniel was getting entwined in a web that he would need help getting out of. He was already breaking his mother's number one rule: Don't get attached. By this point, she was probably rolling in her grave._

* * *

When Neil tuned back into reality, he found he was in Andrew's Maserati with the rest of the Monsters and they were speeding down the interstate. Had he been in a daze this whole time or had he appeared consciously aware to the others?

Kevin occupied the passenger's seat next to Andrew. Aaron was asleep, his head on Nicky's shoulder. Nicky was on his phone. Neil resisted the urge to snap a picture of Aaron and Nicky though he fiddled with the phone in his hand.

He felt his denim jeans against his legs. When had he changed? Had he seriously been in his thoughts this whole time?

Ugh. He really needed to get a grip on reality.

* * *

Neil could feel the reverb through his feet. He hoped it didn't get to the level that he could feel it in his teeth. He didn't want his hypersensitivity kicking in tonight. That was the last thing he needed.

Andrew caught his eye and removed his phone from his pocket. He flashed it at Neil who nodded and fished his own out of his pocket.

A: What's wrong?  
N: I'm fine.  
A: Bull  
A: Shit

Neil shook his head and tapped more on his phone.

N: I can't explain  
A: Past catching up with you?

Neil nodded.

N: Can we leave?  
A: Too much?

Neil nodded again.

N: I need a drink but not in this atmosphere

Andrew stood to up collect Kevin from the bar and to collect Nicky and Aaron from the dance floor.

* * *

Nobody questioned Neil when they all piled back into the Maserati and, for that, Neil was thankful. He could feel Nicky's questioning gaze but he knew not to push Neil. Neil caught Aaron's eye and quickly averted his gaze. Neil figured Aaron might be able to guess the issue due to the way he reacted this morning to seeing Kavinsky, but Aaron didn't say anything either.

At the house, Neil had two shots of whiskey, a shot of brandy, and a double shot of tequila before passing out on the couch.

“What's up with him?” Kevin asked quietly. He hadn't even touched his vodka, too concerned with the way Neil inhaled his shots.

“He's been out of sorts all day but won't talk about it,” Nicky replied. “In the time that we've known him, today was the first time that he asked for one of your shakes.”

Andrew said “Kavinsky,” at the same time that Aaron said, “It's Kavinsky.”

Aaron didn't recount what happened that morning in Calc. Instead, he nodded in agreement with Andrew and said, “Kavinsky has him rattled.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic title is a line from "The Drug in Me is You" by Falling in Reverse. Think of Neil when you listen to the lyrics. You can not convince that that song is not perfect him.

Neil sat up groggily. He looked around and recognized the room he was in. The angle of the sun wasn't right though. It was past mid-morning. It was almost afternoon at this point. Neil flew to his feet and out the bedroom door. He found the other monsters sitting and laughing over coffee. Well, Kevin was laughing, probably at something Nicky had said. Aaron and Andrew looked emotionless as usual.

Andrew caught Neil's eyes. “Morning, Princess,” he said.

Neil just blanched. “It's eleven!” he exclaimed. “We should be heading back to school. People are going to worry.”

Andrew got up from his seat and started walking to the kitchen. He caught Neil's eyes. “Sit.” It wasn't a request. He gestured to the chair that he had just occupied. He exited the kitchen a few minutes later, a mug of something in hand. He gently forced it into Neil's hand. “Drink.” Neil tried to give it back to him before Andrew knelt in front of him. He met Andrew's stony gaze. “Not a request.”

Neil took a few sips and nearly coughed it back up. Whatever it was, it tasted bitter with a sour aftertaste. “What—?”

“For your nerves,” Andrew told him. “We're spending the weekend here.” He stood up and turned away from Neil and took a seat on the floor at the far end of the room, where he had a clear view of the rest of his group. “Wymack okayed it hours ago. We'll head back to school later tomorrow.”

Neil nodded and sipped at whatever Andrew had given him, falling back into his thoughts.

* * *

_Nathaniel sat by himself at a lunch table. He was stirring his food around on his plate uneasily. He wasn't looking forward to his next class. His English teacher was combining the morning and afternoon classes today so everyone could mingle and meet._

_The bell startled him out of his thoughts and he sighed. Another day of not eating lunch. Nathaniel had endured physical hardships before. Going hungry for a while wasn't anything out of the ordinary._

_They had their class outside today since it was warm weather and the classroom wasn't quite large enough to comfortably hold everyone. They were separated by project type and then they were sorted by partners._

_Nathaniel found himself paired off with a guy who was a head taller than he was. The stranger was wearing white reflective shades, had shaggy dark hair, and Nathaniel was pretty sure he saw traces of tattoos hidden beneath his clothes._

_It was during this project that Nathaniel discovered just how very interesting Joseph Kavinsky really was. Their project consisted of story writing. The first thing the boys did was start character planning._

“ _Mine's a dreamer,” Kavinsky said. He'd been doodling a character for a half-hour while they talked. “Anything he dreams can become a part of reality.”_

_Nathaniel hummed thoughtfully and gazed at his reflection in Kavinsky's shades. He glanced away. “Mine has the power of invisibility. He can hide from anybody he chooses. His invisibility spans infrared and heat sensors as well.” He continued when he caught the subtle raise of Kavinsky's eyebrow. “His ability has weaknesses of course, but they lie beyond the expertise of mortals.”_

_Kavinsky smirked. “I guarantee my character can see yours no matter how much he tries to hide.” He cracked a grin. “Nobody can hide from dreams, Call.”_

_Nathaniel scoffed quietly, shaking his head, a small grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “Nobody's hidden in the dreamworld.”_

“ _Nobody can hide from dreamers, but only few can enter their world.”_

* * *

Neil didn't realize that he'd been daydreaming long enough to have finished his... whatever that was.* He hadn't even tasted it. He was also pretty sure there had been grounds or leaves or something floating in the cup while he was drinking and now it was pretty much empty. What _had_ Andrew given him?

Whatever it was, Neil was now feeling very relaxed. Neil glanced at the clock to find that it was now one in the afternoon. He glanced around to find everyone gone, save for Andrew who was still in his spot across the room.

He had busied himself in a book. “Back with us again, I see, Princess.” He hadn't even glanced up from the book.

Neil tilted his head, gaze taking in all of Andrew, as if that would somehow answer all his questions about life, the universe, and everything. “Why?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at the blond who still hadn't looked up from his book.

“Princess?” Neil nodded but he knew Andrew couldn't see it. “Because you always need saving; whether from yourself or someone else, nobody really knows.” Andrew finally glanced up to catch Neil's gaze and then went back to his book. He turned the page. “It always varies over time.”

Neil thought about that. He couldn't really deny that. With what had happened on Kathy's show with Riko and now this incident with Kavinsky; he wasn't going to admit it out loud, but he did see Andrew's point.

“Where did the others go?” he asked, innocently changing the subject before Andrew could ask him just what he had been zoning out about.

“Groceries,” Andrew responded. “Despite being here every weekend and then some, keeping stock is not something that is done around here. Kevin almost lost his shit, slamming cabinet doors. Gotta admit, I'm surprised you didn't twitch.” Andrew glanced up at Neil again, holding his gaze for longer this time. “You've been out of sorts since yesterday.” Andrew didn't miss the way Neil's gaze shot toward the doorway. “Mind sharing with the class, Josten?”

Neil shook his head. “No.” He stood up and went back into the room he'd slept in. He slipped into the bathroom, running shoes in hand.

He heard Andrew groan exasperatedly from the living room. “If you're going for a run, Josten, be cliché and use the door for once.”

* * *

_Nathaniel looked around Kavinsky's house in awe. It was huge. It held a decadence that only money could buy. “This is—”_

_Kavinsky cut him off before he could finish that thought. “A lot, I know.” He ducked his head, keys back in his hand. “Taking you here was a stupid idea.” He gently took hold of Nathaniel's wrist and tugged him back through the entrance and back to his car. “I have a better place in mind to take you. It's jarring on the concentration, but it sets one hell of a mood.”_

* * *

Maybe that's why Neil had such a difficult time in Eden's Twilight the night before. One of the first places he'd gone out to with Kavinsky had been a club scene just like it. He'd nearly forgotten that fine detail. It was probably what had given him the out from Henrietta that he'd needed.

* * *

_It wasn't dark yet. It was just nearing twilight when Thief pulled into the nearly vacant parking lot. Nathaniel glanced around, wondering just where they were. He heard loud music coming from the building on the other side of the parking lot. He turned to Kavinsky. “Where are we?”_

“ _The club scene.” Nathaniel couldn't see Kavinsky's eyes because of those pesky shades again, but that didn't stop him from hearing the smile in his voice, despite the lack of smile on his face._

“ _We're underage?” Nathaniel heard the questioning tone in his voice despite that not actually having been a question._

_Kavinsky tilted his shades down and caught Nathaniel's eye. “Hasn't stopped me before.” There was a twinkle in his eye and a lilt to his voice that Nathaniel hadn't heard previously. There was a grin plastered to his face as he bounced out of the car._

_He opened Nathaniel's door for him in a show of gentleman-like quality that the younger boy hadn't witnessed before. It burned Nathaniel in an odd sort of way but he didn't dwell on it as they made their way to the bouncer._

_Kavinsky caught the bouncer's eye and took Nathaniel's hand in his own. Nathaniel ignored the way his fingertips felt supercharged against Kavinsky's skin. Instead, he listened to the conversation between the two guys. “He's my plus one, J. You don't need his ID.”_

_The bouncer, J, chuckled. “I do if I don't want to get in trouble. It's for your own good, Joseph. Gotta make sure he doesn't have a hit out on him.”_

_Nathaniel did his best not to betray the sick jolt of fear that made its home in his stomach._

“ _I can take care of myself, J,” Kavinsky told him in a flat tone. “And if my so-called father has an issue with it, he can take it up with me.” He bared his teeth in a silent snarl and tried to drag Nathaniel along, but Nathaniel was already digging his wallet out of his pocket and removing his ID._

_Nathaniel handed it to the bouncer who took it and studied Nathaniel up and down. “Alex?” he asked. Nathaniel nodded despite his throat closing up in fear. He didn't need to look to feel Kavinsky studying him closely through his reflective shades. This was bad and he had no idea how he was going to explain himself to Kavinsky._

“ _Yes, his name is Alex. He's with me. I already told you this.” Kavinsky sounded bored and impatient. Nathaniel could hear his foot tapping on the asphalt. “Does he look like a danger to you, Jeremy? Do you need to call_ Daddy _out here to okay his entrance to the club? Or can we_ go? _” He pushed his way passed Jeremy angrily, dragging Nathaniel along with him._

 _Nathaniel was thankful that Kavinsky dropped the subject as soon as they were inside. “Sorry about him.” Nathaniel heard the anger lacing the apology. “One of my father's hires. Asshat never calls or drops in or even_ attempts _to make an appearance, yet he feels the need to protect me.” He scoffs derisively. “I can take care of myself, thanks.”_

_Nathaniel almost opened his mouth but thought better of it. What did he know about fathers? Nothing really. His own had left him physically scarred and wouldn't have thought twice about reforging him in his own image, to become a butcher just like he was. Instead, Nathaniel turned the subject back to the reason they had come to the club in the first place. “Why don't you use that as fuel to flesh out an antagonist?” he suggested. “It's a useful and productive way to channel your anger.” Nathaniel knew all about that first hand anyway. There had been dozens of notebooks that he'd burned along with his mother. He couldn't take any of it with him. It would just weigh him down so what use did he have for it?_

“ _Speaking from experience, Call?”_

_Nathaniel didn't miss the way that Kavinsky's mouth turned upward just slightly at the corners. He grinned himself. “I suppose I am.”_

_They got to work building two different antagonists who worked together to make up a single part of a dystopian empire. Kavinsky made his antagonist a dreamer as well. Whether he had access to the dreamworld or not, Kavinsky didn't say. Nathaniel made his antagonist a higher up with fire abilities. He didn't say that his own character had fire abilities as well. He also didn't say that his character preferred not to use his fire abilities in fear of turning out like the antagonist. Lastly, he didn't to say that the reason his character feared his fire abilities was that the antagonist was his own father._

_It was one AM before either of them realized it. They had been too busy story-boarding and writing ideas down on sheets of paper to keep track of the time. By this point they had their own characters properly fleshed out, the antagonists mostly fleshed out, they had the world around them figured out, and Kavinsky was busy writing the rules of his dreamworld._

_They hadn't fully figured out what the dystopian empire was all about, but they did agree it was the dark underbelly of a world that no mere mortal saw._

“ _Do you want to call it a night?”_

* * *

Neil was forced out of his flashback and onto the concrete underneath him. “Watch where you're—” The heat died in his throat when he realized he ran straight into Kevin who had only been knocked back a few feet by the impact. Nicky reached a hand out and helped Neil to his feet. Neil brushed himself off and took a few steps back.

“Nice to see you too, Josten,” Kevin huffed. He shook his head and then asked in a tone that suggested he might regret it, “Would you care to honor us with your presence and walk back with us?”

Aaron snickered and Nicky added, “Kevin isn't asking out of the goodness of his heart. Andrew texted us saying that you had crawled out the bathroom window again. He wanted us to collect you before you could get yourself hurt.”

“I don't know if his concern is touching or annoying,” Neil replied. He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned around back the way he came, letting the others follow him back to the house.

“Seriously, Josten?” Kevin demanded. “You've been off since yesterday. What is wrong?” Kevin's tone was snappy and Neil felt somewhat delighted by it. It was always amusing to get under Kevin Day's skin.

“I'm fine. Really.” He turned around, his feet not stopping their pace. Now he was walking backward, facing the other monsters, a grin—no, teeth bared, no amusement whatsoever in his expression. Nicky found himself slightly worried, not for Kevin or Neil exactly, but whoever Neil walked into or tripped over while his gaze was toward them. “I didn't know you cared, Day.” Neil studied Kevin's face closely, watching for any kind of change or twitch.

Neil saw his jaw set. “I don't,” Kevin replied in a hard tone. “We have a game next week and you need to be in a better headspace when that happens.”

“Riiiiiiiiiiiight.” Neil turned around, much to Nicky's relief. Neil was facing the right direction now and wouldn't run into people.

Kevin didn't miss the playful grin playing at Neil's lips before he turned around. “I'm serious, Josten.”

Neil replied with a laugh and took off again, back for the house. Back at the house, he stumbled through the door and pushed it closed behind himself, still laughing. He turned around to see Andrew still on the floor with his book. He hadn't moved and the only movement he made when Neil came through the door was a turn of his head and a raise of his eyebrow. Neil chuckled as he sat down in the chair he had stolen from Andrew earlier that day. “Picking on Kevin is fun.” He grinned widely. “They're on their way back. They'll be here in a few.”

Andrew wasn't sure what had happened to change Neil's mood, but Andrew would take this Neil over Neil who was always in his head any day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *It was a Valerian tincture.
> 
> I chose their abilities as a reflection of themselves. Kavinsky’s dreamer abilities are obvious as are Neil’s invisibility powers, but I can’t get out of my head that Nathan has ability over fire. It’s a reflection of his anger and his violent tendencies, but also of the mark he physically left on Neil. I can’t get his physical with Abby in TFC out of my head, especially how Neil reflects on his scars. Neil also has his father's temper and sometimes it can be seen in the same way his character can be seen using fire abilities.
> 
> Don’t worry. This won’t completely be angst, but it will definitely be filled with protective!Andrew. And hey, you got to see happy!Neil at the end of the chapter there.
> 
> The next chapter begins with Andrew's pov. Hopefully, I was able to capture his character okay. He's on the difficult side.
> 
> Kavinsky may or may not be totally OOC. From what I've read about him his personality strikes me as a slight mix of Andrew, Neil (at the beginning of TFC), and Veronica Lodge from Riverdale. A mix of snark, daddy issues, and drugs. In a way, he reminds me of what Nathaniel could have been had he been raised by his father. He's just as broken as Neil but in different ways.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken me _so long_ to get this out. I’ve been finished with this chapter since I posted chapter 2, but I always want to be a chapter ahead. I needed to finish typing chapter 4 before I posted this chapter.

On the way back from Columbia Sunday evening, the mood of the car was brighter than when they had left. Neil hadn't gotten lost in his head again after his run the day before and Andrew was wondering just how long it would take for the pattern to reemerge. He kept his gaze firmly on the road and steadily on the wheel. Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky were all confined to the backseat while Neil occupied the passenger's seat, his eyes on Andrew. Andrew wasn't sure what was going on in Neil's head and while he wasn't sure that he wanted to find out, he asked anyway. “What?” he asked, tone annoyed, eyes jumping away from the road for one second to catch Neil's icy blue gaze. Andrew wished he would stop wearing the contacts at Palmetto, but he wouldn't tell Neil that. Neil needed to do that in his own time around the others if he ever would.

“Nothing,” Neil said in a lilting voice, his gaze still on Andrew.

“Uh-huh,” Andrew responded apathetically, his gaze still firmly on the road. “Staring is rude, you know,” he pointed out in a flat tone.

“I know.” Andrew heard the smile in Neil's voice and it tugged at something in his chest.

Andrew took his eyes off the road for a moment to study Neil. “Then why won't you stop staring at me?” He turned his gaze back to the road before Kevin could pipe up from the back seat.

“Oh, no reason.” The grin remained on Neil's face, even when he turned it away from Andrew and followed his gaze out the windshield. He settled into his seat more and from Andrew's peripheral he caught Neil's grin turn into something softer. He was smiling. Neil was smiling and Andrew hated it. But he wouldn't say anything because if he did, Neil would grin wider than before and Andrew preferred the soft smile that Neil was currently wearing.

The rest of the drive was shared in silence that was punctured by Nicky's rambling. Andrew didn't mind. The atmosphere in the Maserati was peaceful and he wouldn't have it any other way. He knew Nicky knew to stay away from the topic of Kavinsky. He didn't know just what it was about him that made Neil so rattled but he was going to find out.

* * *

Back at Palmetto, Andrew caught Neil searching his pockets. For what, Andrew didn't know, but he did know that whatever Neil was searching for, he wasn't finding, and not finding whatever it was was making Neil jittery.

“I need to go for a run,” Neil told him and raced off the roof, leaving Andrew there, cigarette in hand.

Andrew took another drag, knowing he should follow Neil but not knowing if Neil wanted to be followed. He stayed perched on the roof and waited. He waited to see Neil's lithe form running of campus but wait as he may, Andrew didn't see it. Had he missed it? Or was Neil not actually running?

Andrew put his cigarette out and made his way off the roof as more pressing thoughts filled his head. Did Neil run into an issue on his way out of the building? Did the name of that issue happen to begin with a K? Did Andrew need to kick ass to keep safe what was his?

By the time Andrew was down the stairs leading from the roof, he was rightfully seething. If anybody laid a hand on Neil, he'd kick their asses.

He spotted Kavinsky pinning Neil to a wall and had a knife against his back in an instant. “If you know what's good for you, you'll back up slowly,” Andrew growled quietly.

Kavinsky didn't move right away. He didn't move until he felt the knife point digging into his back. Then he moved back slowly, backing away from Neil but not breaking eye contact.

Neil was the one to break eye contact. He slipped away from Kavinsky and took up space behind Andrew. “Andrew, I'm fine,” Neil told him quietly, his hand hovering over Andrew's hand that held the knife. “Andrew,” he repeated, voice a bit firmer.

“You're lucky,” Andrew told Kavinsky flatly, slipping his knife away. He walked away, hooking his index finger onto Neil's, subtly pulling him away. At the Maserati, Andrew turned to study Neil closely. “Are you okay?”

Neil nodded, knowing that Andrew was checking him for any signs of lying. “Just a little shaken up.” He looked up at the clear sky and exhaled deeply. “I'll be back.”

* * *

Neil had been stupid not the realize that his fake ID hadn't been in his pocket on the way to Columbia. He'd been stupid not to realize it had fallen out in the locker room. He'd been stupid to take it out of his binder to begin with. Now Neil was kicking himself because the person who had found it was the last person he ever thought he'd make contact with again.

Fucking Joseph Kavinsky. What was it about him that drove Neil guano? Neil pulled his fingers through his hair roughly in an attempt to keep his mind in the present. He certainly didn't still have feelings for him. That chance had gone out the window when he'd left Henrietta.

Any remnants of that chance had been blown away when he met Andrew. He was safe here. He didn't need his past dragging him back. What the fuck was the pack leader even doing here?

He had half a mind to contact Skov or Swan or even Proko. Which was saying a lot since he and Proko didn't get along in his stay, however brief it had been.

Neil couldn't decide if he was living in a dream or a nightmare. Surly his father would catch him here. That he would get Nathan's attention to Nathaniel and Neil just couldn't have that. He had half a mind just to run and keep running.

* * *

_Nathaniel sat on the floor of Kavinsky's home theater. It was the place they mutually decided would be their hangout and their mini-haven while they worked on their english project._

_It had been a day since the duo had spent seven hours at the club doing nothing but writing. Kavinsky had asked him to stay for dinner and Nathaniel didn't miss the way Ms. Kavinsky's eyes glittered when she took in both boys._

_Now they were down in the theater drawing up blueprints for the Empire HQ._

_Nathaniel grinned over Kavinsky's shoulder as he watched his partner draw up floor after floor of this Empire State Building-esque tower. “_ Empire HQ _, huh?” He grinned dumbly. “Are you taking a page out of Starwars or are you naming it after the Empire State Building?”_

_Kavinsky gave him a flat look of unamusement. “Neither,” he answered distastefully. “We have yet to settle on a name. Until we do, Empire HQ will be the holding spot.”_

_Nathaniel nodded. “I know just the spot it can be located too.” He rattled off a city located Japan and Kavinsky's gaze snapped up to capture his own. The look of utter surprise on Kavinsky's face made Nathaniel's heart leap in fear. Had he said too much? Had he gone too far? Before Nathaniel had a chance to ask, an air raid alert went off in Kavinsky's pocket, rudely startling both boys._

_Kavinsky cursed and yanked his phone out of his pocket. “What, fucker? I'm working on my fucking english assignment with Malcolm!”_

_Nathaniel could hear boisterous laughter from the other end of the call. Kavinsky pulled the phone from his ear and placed it on speaker. “... Exy practice. Bring Malcolm with you if it means that much.”_

_Kavinsky locked eyes with Nathaniel who shrugged. “I'm game,” he accepted. “It's been awhile since I've held a raquette.”_

_Kavinsky sighed dramatically. “You fuckers better still be there when we get there.”_

* * *

Neil slowed in his running to a jog. He'd almost forgotten that Aglionby had their own exy team. He wondered if Swan and Skov still played. Proko had been a brick wall. He was good, but Andrew was better.

Neil considered redirecting his run to Wymack's place. He must have had something to do with Kavinsky becoming a Fox. He wondered how much more about Kavinsky Wymack knew.

He shook his head and instead headed to the court. He needed to get out of his head. He knew he was avoiding go back to his dorm room, but he had very good reasons.

* * *

_It was late one weekend, probably about a month and a half into the project. Nathaniel had bought a binder specifically for the project so it could hold all the notes and drawings and scraps of dialogue that would be used for writing. Nathaniel had been in town about two months by this point. He and Kavinsky had gotten quite close. Kavinsky had even given Nathaniel a key to Thief, which is where they decided to keep the binder. Kavinsky knew all about Nathaniel's late night runs. He figured it was a nice gesture to leave his car open for Nathaniel._

_On this particular part of the project, they were figuring out how their characters would meet, so they traded various facts about their characters' tics, where they were each staying, and what event could possibly draw them together._

“ _My character lives his life being invisible whether he has himself cloaked or not,” Nathaniel was telling Kavinsky. “He's not used to others seeing him and he prefers it that way. If they meet in a public place, your character should walk right up to him and start chatting with him. He'd be completely freaked out before double checking that he is, in fact, invisible. And that would just freak him out more.”_

“ _Drago lives for freaking people out, but what would be better for their first meeting would be Drago meeting...” Kavinsky glanced up at Nathaniel, breath catching in his throat at their close proximity. He focused back on his paper and he didn't miss Nathaniel subtly back up just a bit. “Have you decided on a character name?”_

“ _Abram.”_

_Kavinsky nodded, jotting that down. “Drago meeting Abram while Abram is invisible and Drago is astral projecting.”_

_Nathaniel nodded. “It would have some sense to it because Abram isn't visible to mortals or anybody with a non-metaphysical ability. Dreamers live on their own plane of existence while they sleep but they can also move dream objects to the physical plane, so, theoretically, their consciousness should be able to move between both worlds._

_Kavinsky locked eyes with Nathaniel and studied him closely. He moved closer to Nathaniel so they were only centimeters apart. “How do you know that?” His hot breath curled around Nathaniel's face._

_Nathaniel's heart sped up but he didn't move back. “I don't only add stuff to the binder. I also read it when I see that you've added more to it.”_

_Kavinsky stared at him, the corners of his lips curling up. “Cheater.” He playfully pushed Nathaniel's face away with his hand, but he wasn't expecting Nathaniel to lightly kiss his palm. Kavinsky's breath caught again, but he tried his best not to show how affected he was. He turned his attention back to his writing. “Then you know Drago is in Bulgaria at the moment.” He couldn't really concentrate on what he was saying. He still felt Nathaniel's lips on his palm. He turned his attention back to the mousy haired boy and found him still quite close. Kavinsky took his chance and kissed him deeply, hands roughly tangling in Nathaniel's hair._

* * *

Neil nearly squeaked when he was almost body-checked by Kavinsky in the locker room. Neil caught himself and danced around Kavinsky to avoid a collision.

“Still not going to tell me how Malcolm Call's ID got into your pocket?” Kavinsky asked in a tone that depicted something Neil couldn't pick out. Boredom? Distrust? Rueful?

It was something and Neil didn't like it. It didn't have a place in the memories that Neil had with Kavinsky. But Neil wasn't ready to open up; he wasn't ready to tell Kavinsky why he Malcolm's ID or what his tie to Malcolm was. That would mean opening a can of worms about Kevin, Riko, himself, and the Yakuza which he was in no way ready to do. Opening up about that meant opening up a door to his past. There was no way he was ready for that. He didn't even want to think about that. Instead, he shook his head. “That's not something I'm willing to talk about. I'm sorry.”

Kavinsky backed down. It wasn't something Neil was expecting from Kavinsky, but he knew Kavinsky had a past of his own that he didn't like talking about. Maybe that's why Kavinsky backed off. Neil wasn't going to wonder about it; he'd take what he could get. “Will you at least tell me about your friend?” he asked instead.

Neil curled his lips in something that resembled a smile but it didn't quite sit on his face right. “Don't get on his bad side,” Neil drawled slowly. “That knife isn't the only one he has.” He opened his locker and gathered his light exy gear to change. “He doesn't like when people threaten those that are close to him.”

Kavinsky studied Neil closely and Neil didn't twitch. Kavinsky hummed in annoyance and turned away. “You're awfully cheeky,” he muttered.

“And you're a thief,” Neil told him in a matter-of-fact tone, wondering how far over Kavinsky's head that flew. He didn't stick around to see a reaction but, instead, went to one of the stalls to change. “Also, if that ID means that much to you, just hold onto it!” he called out. He didn't hear anybody else in the locker room anymore but he knew Kavinsky could be extremely quiet when he wanted to be.

After a minute or so, the silence was broken. “I don't want to _keep it_ , I want to know _how you got it_.”

The emotion in Kavinsky's voice stopped Neil mid-movement. Quietly he said, “I'm sorry, K. I really am,” and resumed changing. When he stepped out of the stall, Kavinsky was gone.

* * *

_It was months after the club incident, months after the bouncer called Nathaniel “Alex”, and months after Kavinsky went along with the act. Nathaniel was still grateful to him. Kavinsky didn't ask, but Nathaniel felt that he still owed Kavinsky an explanation._

_Even after the kiss and the touching and the sweet embraces, Kavinsky didn't ask. After Nathaniel revealed that the reason he wrote his character sleeping with a gun is because he did the same, Kavinsky still didn't question. Hell, after that, Kavinsky always asked Nathaniel if he was packing heat and he made more of a fuss when he wasn't._

_Kavinsky confused Nathaniel to no end, but he never asked questions. Nathaniel never questioned why Kavinsky didn't ask him questions that any other person would have. He was grateful for it, but it was also a bit unsettling._

_It was just shy of six months after his arrival that Kavinsky did something that really confused Nathaniel. They met in the theater like usual. But instead of the usual spread of papers and notes that Nathaniel had grown used stepping around, the floor was clean. Nathaniel would have thought the room was empty had it not been for the shadowy figure of Kavinsky sitting in the dark._

_Nathaniel walked over to him and realized that he was looking down at something that he was holding in his hand. “Malcolm,” Kavinsky said slowly, not looking up at the boy he was addressing. “Sit.”_

_The slowness of his voice and the calmness of the way he reacted set Nathaniel on edge, but he listened to Kavinsky and silently sat down across from him._

_They locked eyes and Kavinsky continued speaking. “I don't know who you really are and I'm not at liberty to ask. Life throws curve balls at all of us and I have reason to believe that that's why you are here.” Something flickered, illuminating the two of them in a soft glow. Nathaniel glanced at the screen and realized a warm log fire was burning on the screen. He returned his gaze to Kavinsky, feeling that he hadn't completely finished speaking. “Have this.” He handed Nathaniel the object in his hands._

_Nathaniel took it and stared at it. He tried to read what it said but it was hard in the lack of light made by the fake flames. He did see a picture of himself on it though, they way he looked now with his mousy brown hair and dark, almost-black eyes. He... How? Now it was Nathaniel's turn not to question._

“ _Better than your other one,” Kavinsky told him with a grin. “This one has your current alias and picture.”_

“ _I...” He knew better than to ask. “Thank you. But how?”_

“ _Some secrets are better left unsaid,” Kavinsky told him with a sad smile. “You better put it to good use.” He gestured to the ID. “You don't have long now, before they know where you are.”_

 _Nathaniel didn't know who_ they _were, but he had a feeling he could guess. He felt his stomach drop and his chest seize up. He felt like he was going to be sick. “But you—the project—How?”_

“ _Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.” Nathaniel knew those words too well to know that they meant the opposite. “Keep in touch via email,” Kavinsky continued with a shrug. “If it gets to a point where I stop hearing from you, I'll kill your character off.” He waved away the rest of the questions that Nathaniel had building in his head. “Don't worry,” he said with a wave. “I got your back.”_

_Nathaniel knew Kavinsky couldn't have been sober, but he didn't seem drunk either. Nathaniel waved that concern away. What confused him the most about this interaction was the ID. How had Kavinsky gotten it? It looked too real to be homemade. Not to mention, Nathaniel hadn't take a picture like this one. He hadn't taken any pictures in Henrietta. Too much risk of exposure._

* * *

Neil dodged away from a flying ball just in time. He didn't need to explain to the team that he gave himself a black eye because he hadn't been paying attention to what he was doing.

He had questions for Kavinsky just as much as Kavinsky had questions about the ID. Maybe he could do with Kavinsky what Andrew had done with him. A question for a question. But the only questions Kavinsky seemed to have involved that damned ID and Neil just wasn't ready to answer anything that dug up the past. Not now, not yet, probably not ever...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was thinking this out, that last flashback was as far as I got.
> 
> Ive finished writing chapter 4, but it won’t be posted until I finish writing chapter 5. I don’t know how long this will be but it won’t be longer than 15 chapters. I’m thinking 10-11 at most.
> 
> Some canonical events will occur: The Thanksgiving/Christmas debacle involving Andrew, Kevin, and Neil, but Kavinsky is quick to pull his own strings so Andrew isn’t put with Proust.
> 
> What will be more difficult to write will be the Baltimore events, because those do occur and let me tell you, Kavinsky will reign his version of hell upon people.
> 
> Unfortunately, I haven’t gotten that far in the books, so I’ll need to finish those first before I attempt to write those events.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after the events of Dream Thief in The Raven Cycle. Namely where K dies, or “dies” in this instance.
> 
> Also, because I don't think I made the timeline very clear to anybody, myself included--The flashbacks take place in junior year of high school. Kavinsky is 16 almost 17, Malcolm is 16, which makes Nathaniel 15.
> 
> This chapter is twice as long as my others at 15 pages.

The game against Columbia State came fast. Since Kavinsky had missed the game against Belmonte, Wymack was almost content to let him sit out this game just so he could watch how the Foxes play.

Kavinsky made a low noise of displeasure when Wymack told him of the decision. They were alone in the living room of Wymack's apartment. “I can handle this, Coach.” He stood his full height and looked Wymack dead in the eye. “I've watched the team scrimmage, I've practiced with them, I've played exy before. Just because Aglionby wasn't the top-rated exy team in Virginia didn't mean we weren't good.” Wymack was silent so Kavinsky continued. “Put me in second half if that makes you feel better, but don't bench me the whole game.”

“Your mother entrusted you with me, Joseph,” Wymack reminded him. “If I return you bruised and roughed up—”

Kavinsky barked with laughter and scoffed. His voice was low and quiet when he spoke. “You think she would care? Do you think she would _notice_?” He paced away from Wymack and turned to back to him. “No.” He walked back toward Wymack while he spoke. “Why?” He stopped in front of Wymack and poked him in the chest. “Because you aren't my father.” He turned away again. “Because everybody who would be able to hurt me is dead.” He walked further away from Wymack, voice still low. “Because to everybody who knew me aside from my mother, I no longer exist.” He walked away.

“About that,” Wymack began. Kavinsky turned around just in time to be smacked in the face with blond hair dye. “I don't condone you turning your back on your identity, but in the case that it helps you feel better there are also green contacts on the bathroom sink. All yours.”

* * *

Neil was fidgety all day. After the game, there would be no buffer between the present and tomorrow's banquet. He was thankful that they would be only be spending a single day in the presence of Riko and the Ravens but even that was almost seeming like too much. He couldn't imagine how stressed out Kevin had to be feeling at the moment.

* * *

When the time came for the team to board the bus, Neil didn't see Kavinsky. He did, however, see somebody that he didn't recognize initially.

The newcomer had shoulder-length blond hair that was half up in a bun at the back of his head. He had the rest of his hair tied back against his neck with what looked to be an orange bandana with foxes running around it.

“Staring.”

Neil whirled around, fists raised to fight, and found Andrew standing behind him. He slowly lowered his fists and took a deep breath. “Don't do that again unless you want to get punched,” he told Andrew in an undertone.

Andrew gave him a once-over. “You mean sneak up on you?” he asked in a bored tone. “I can take a punch.” He appraised Neil once more and boarded the bus.

Neil followed and found a few changes in the seating arrangement. It looked as if he'd be sitting next to the newcomer.

“Take a picture, Josten, it lasts longer,” his seatmate said when everybody on the bus got situated. The newcomer had taken the window and Neil took the aisle seat. He preferred it that way.

Neil was startled into looking away from the green eyes that had focused elsewhere since they got situated. His seatmate was Kavinsky. How did....? When did....? Neil had never seen him with long hair. Cropped, close-shaven, but never that long. How did that happen overnight? Was it a wig?

“Stop thinking,” Kavinsky told him quietly. “You're going to hurt yourself.”

* * *

During changing, Neil noticed Kavinsky's jersey. Only, the back of it didn't read Kavinsky, it read Kradets. Neil knew it meant something but he didn't have the time at the moment to wonder just what it meant. He'd worry about it on the way back to the Foxhole.

* * *

Learning from the game against Belmonte was simple. Neil made two of three goals in the first half. Kevin made the third. Andrew blocked five goals of seven. Injuries were minimal.

During half-time, Wymack gave a run down of the team. “Thrash 'em. Give it all you've got. Kavinsky, you're in this half. Give people something to talk about at the banquet tomorrow.”

Nobody spoke of Kavinsky's jersey or his new look. Nobody questioned it. Either nobody noticed it or nobody cared. That made Neil curious how the team would react if he threw away this lie. Would they not care? If he dared open up to them, would nobody bat an eyelash? That idea warmed his soul but the idea of removing his identity made his insides squirm. He still wasn't ready for that, but he needed answers from Kavinsky. Why the identity change? If he was in the same boat as Neil, Neil wanted to know. For that, he'd open up to Kavinsky about everything—Malcolm, Alex, how he ended up in Henrietta. Hell, Neil would even venture far enough to say that he'd open up about Nathaniel and his past as the Butcher's son.

So, truth for truth it would be. After the banquet. Or... He wondered if K had a phone. Nah. Some things were too wordy for text and this was one of them.

* * *

In the end, they tied with Columbia 6-6.

* * *

Saturday morning was interesting to say the least. Nicky and Aaron both brought dates with them and money exchanged hands more than once. Kavinsky ignored everyone and kept his eyes out the window. Neil focused on his breathing which was more than he could say for Kevin. Once they started getting close to Blackwell, he was shaking and Neil was pretty sure it wasn't because he was getting bus sick.

Kavinsky paid no attention to anybody but watched out the window. What he was watching for, nobody knew. He could have just been watching the scenery for all Neil knew. Their next game was against Virginia State and K was pretty sure he'd see some familiar faces there. He wasn't especially ready to see familiar faces yet, but he didn't have any say on this particular subject.

When they arrived at Blackwell, he followed the upperclassmen off the bus and changed clothes. Once they were all ready and their belongings were locked up, Wymack turned an eye on Neil. “You,” he said pointedly, “attempt to behave this time.” K fought to raise an eyebrow at that. “Don't pick fights with him today.” Wymack turned his attention to Kavinsky. “Kradets,” he said. “Mind your manners.” He eyed the team as a whole. “That goes for each and every one of you. I don't care what is said to you during your time at this banquet. Do not take their bait.” Once his piece was said, Wymack made a shooing motion with his hands.

The Foxes walked into the inner court, following Dan. She spied their seats—It really wasn't difficult to spy bright orange banners. What caught K's attention was the Raven colors on the opposite side of the table.

“Motherfucker,” Dan said scathingly in a low tone. K had to give her props for not slowing her pace.

“Oh, how cliché.” Andrew sounded almost delighted which was a 180 from how he sounded when he had had that knife prodding into Kavinsky's back. “Maybe this will be fun after all. Come on, Kevin. Let's not keep them waiting.” He walked on ahead, sure Kevin would follow. Kevin was pale but he followed closely behind Andrew.

Kavinsky stayed close to Neil. He still needed answers and he wasn't going to let being in the presence of Riko Moriyama deter him from that. K noted, however, that Riko wasn't the only problem of the night. He took in familiar faces from a few tables down but didn't let it deter him from following his new team.

K watched as the man at Riko's right hand stood up after all the Foxes had settled in. He walked behind all the Ravens and traded places with the girl who had been sitting across from Neil. She looked familiar to K, but he ignored the quiet nagging voice in the back of his head to concentrate on the man. Kavinsky didn't know who he was, but he didn't look friendly. “You look familiar,” the man said in a thick French accent, his focus on Neil.

“If you watched Kathy's show, you saw me there,” Neil responded coolly. Kavinsky really wished he had been more attuned to all things current but there wasn't much that could be done about that when he hadn't sat still since his “death”.

“Ah, you are right. That must be it.” He studied Neil, leaning in close. Neil didn't shift back, despite the man getting into his personal space. “What was your name again?” He listed a few off hand. “Alex? Chris? _Malcolm?_ ” he drawled slowly, as if reading from a mental list.

Neil's breath caught in his throat. They knew. _How did they know?_ How long had Riko been following his trail? One name out of his many identities may have been a coincidence but three was a warning.

Kavinsky wanted to punch the smug look off the Frenchman's face, but he was more concerned with Neil and his lack of breathing. Kavinsky was sure that Neil already felt his searching gaze and glanced away. As he did so, he caught Riko glancing away as well.

Neil felt his throat closing up in panic. Kavinsky had to have put two and two together already. If he hadn't yet... Well, he was dumber than Neil in that case. He had wanted to come clean to Kavinsky in his own time; not like this. He felt Kavinsky's eyes on him again and he took a breath despite himself. “It's Neil,” he told Jean, already knowing that this wasn't going to be easy to explain away.

Kavinsky needed answers. First, finding Malcolm Call's ID in the boys locker room outside the court and now this stranger rattling off seemingly-random names. From Neil's reaction K knew they weren't just random names and that made Kavinsky's stomach twist into a knot. He needed Neil alone and they **needed** to talk.

The man tilted his head, studying Neil. “You don't look much like a Neil,” he assessed quietly, fingers tapping twitchily on the table.

“Blame my mother,” Neil told the man, expression neutral. “She named me.”

“How is she doing, by the way?” Riko's voice drifted from the other end of the table. Kavinsky was sure he saw a ghost of a smile tugging at the edges of Riko's mouth.

Kavinsky wanted to punch that smug look off Riko's face. He knew that look by heart. It was a look he always shot Jiang whenever he'd drop in for an impromptu street race. He knew the answer to that question. He just wanted to make Neil say it.

“Don't antagonize my team, Riko,” Dan chided him, calling his attention back to her. “This isn't the place for it, nor is it the time.”

“I was being polite,” Riko informed her. “You haven't seen me antagonistic yet.” Kavinsky barked in mirthless laughter, turning Riko's attention to himself. “I'm sorry,” Riko said in a polite tone. His eyes dragged over Kavinsky, no sign of recognition wahtsoever. “I don't believe we've met.”

Kavinsky smirked and leaned back in his chair, balancing it on the back two legs. “Oh, but we have,” he drawled mischievously, a challenge in his voice. His eyes sparked, ready to make trouble. He narrowed his eyes at Riko. “I'm just a bit...dressed up right now.” He held Riko's gaze, waiting for the spark of recognition. “Have you spoken with Declan lately?”

Neil closely watched the odd interaction between Kavinsky and Riko. They obviously knew each other but Riko didn't recognize Kavinsky with his new look. The mention of Declan sparked something in Riko though. He caught the slight twitch of Riko's eye and the curl of his lip in a barely disguised snarl.

Kavinsky's smirk curled into an antagonistic grin and his eyes strayed a few tables away where Ronan sat with Blue. This was going to make for an interesting season. His eyes snapped back to Riko. “I'll take it you lost again.” Kavinsky's tone was smug and Neil saw recognition roar to life behind Riko's eyes.

Neil's stomach dropped to his feet when realization hit him like a rock: Riko had followed his trail to Henrietta.

How long, exactly, _had_ Riko been following his trail? Neil wasn't ignorant of the fact that Kavinsky came from a mob family as well, but he didn't take K as the type to rat him out.

Hell, Neil was sure Kavinsky didn't even know his real name. So there was no way that he could have rat Neil out.

Neil quickly scoured his own memories, but couldn't find any where he and K conversed about anything outside of their project, hobbies, or exy.

Except maybe Nathaniel's last night in town, but the most K had told him was to run. Nathaniel didn't even know where he would end up at that point in time, so there was no way Kavinsky could have old Riko his location.

Maybe speed racing was one of Riko's guilty pleasures.

The man across from Neil was getting visibly bored and his attention drifted to Kevin, effectively pulling Neil out of his thoughts. “Hello, Kevin.”

“Jean,” Kevin acknowledged quietly.

Jean's smile was lazy but his eyes were ice. Neither of them had anything else to say but they stared each other down unblinkingly.

Andrew lost interest in their staring contest and leaned forward. “Jean. Hey, Jean. Jean Valjean. Hey. Hey. Hello.” He was annoying in his own way. Kavinsky was sure Andrew would start waving in Jean's face if he didn't get a reaction soon.

Jean huffed a little in annoyance but he looked at Andrew. Andrew held out his hand and Jean happened to be foolish enough to take it. Kavinsky watched Andrew's knuckles turn white as he crushed Jean's hand. He made a mental note not to take Andrew lightly. Jean couldn't hide all of a flinch and the smooth look on his face turned into an irritated scowl which only made Andrew smile wider at the sight of it.

A wide grin split Andrew's face, his eyes dark. The grin held no warmth, only ice, which was a warning in itself. “I'm Andrew. We haven't met yet.”

“For which I am grateful.” Jean narrowed his eyes at Andrew. “The Foxes as a whole are an embarrassment to Class I Exy, but your very existence is unforgivable. A goalkeeper who doesn't care if he is scored on has no right to touch a racquet. You should have stayed on the sidelines like the publicity stunt you are.”

“That's a bit out of line, don't you think?” Renee asked, her voice even and gentle.

The woman on Riko's right made a loud snort. “If someone like that replaced you in goal, you must be downright terrible. I can't wait to watch one of your matches. I think it will be entertaining.” She smirked. “We would make a drinking game of it but we don't want to die of alcohol poisoning.”

Kavinsky snorted which earned him a glare of contempt from a few Ravens. “And what a shame that would be,” he replied derisively.

“This is the first time our teams have met.” Renee sounded completely unruffled by all the rudeness flying around the table. “Do we have to start off so poorly?”

“Why not? You're poor at everything else you do.” Kavinsky recognized the woman who kept talking She was the same one who had been sitting across from Neil. He still couldn't remember her name. “Is it honestly fun to be so terrible?” Right. That's why. She had no concept of fun.

Renee smiled warmly, a large contrast to the rest of the icy table. “I imagine we have more fun that you do, yes.”

Neil didn't how Renee could keep up such a nice tone. His fear was an icy ball in his stomach and the Raven's derision was eating a hole through him. Keeping his mouth shut and staying out of the conversation was taking more willpower than he thought he had. The longer he sat there in silence, the harder it became. Not for the last time did he wish he had inherited his mother's patience instead of his father's temper.

“Fun is for children,” Jean said dismissively, looking away from Andrew and locking eyes with Kevin. “At this level it is supposed to about skill, and your team is sadly lacking. You have no right to play with us.”

“Then you shouldn't have transferred districts,” Matt said coolly, his expression stony. “No one wants you here.”

“You took something that doesn't belong to you,” a Raven told them. “You brought this humiliation on yourselves.”

Kavinsky raised an eyebrow. “Did we?” he drawled, eyes narrowing at Riko. He remembered Jiang telling him how violent things could get at the Raven's nest. Kavinsky shifted his weight, lowering his chair back to the floor. “Day prefers it with us.” The fire in his eyes dared Riko to contest those words.

The Raven across from Renee laughed. “Don't tell me that you actually believe that. Kevin went to the Foxhole because someone had to teach this pathetic excuse for a team what Exy is supposed to look like on a court. If he had stayed on as an assistant coach maybe he would learn to stomach your failures. Now that he's playing with you, there's no way he'll last the season. We know Kevin better than you ever will. We know how much your incompetence must grate on him.”

“So do we,” Aaron informed them, voice flat, expression blank. “It's not like he's shy with his opinion.”

Kevin finally found his voice. “They know how I feel, but words alone won't fix anything. A team that needs this much work requires a larger commitment than that.”

“You won't stay,” Jean told Kevin and Kavinsky felt the hairs on the back of his neck bristle. “You should reconsider our offer before we rescind it for good, Kevin. Face the facts. Your pet is and always will be dead weight. It's time to—”

“What?” Andrew turned a wide-eyed look on Kevin. “You have a pet and you never told us?” Kavinsky covered up a laugh with a cough. “Where do you keep it, Kevin?” He was really beginning to like Andrew.

Jean flicked an annoyed look at Andrew. “Don't interrupt me, Doe.”

Andrew leered across the table at Moreau. “Oh, points for trying, but save your breath. Here's a tip for you, okay? You can't cut down someone who's already in the gutter.” “Enough.” Dan snapped her fingers at them. “Break it up. This is a district event and we have twenty officials on hand. We're here to get to know each other, not to start fights. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. That goes for both teams.” She made eye contact with Kavinsky, Andrew, Jean, and Riko.

“Is that why the red-headed step child is being so quiet?” Riko asked politely and gestured at Neil. Neil stared back, eyes narrowed. He was, yet again, not breathing. “He doesn't have anything 'nice' to say?”

“Leave him alone,” Matt said.

“He was very spirited last time we met,” Riko said. “Perhaps that was just a show for the crowd?” He stared directly into Neil's eyes. “Hello, I am speaking to you. Are you really just going to ignore me?”

Kavinsky watched Neil set his jaw, an action that Malcolm had written into his character. It only happened when Abram was about to go off on somebody who had gotten on his last nerve.

“What a coward,” Riko said with exaggerated disappointment. “Just like his mother.”

Kavinsky saw a fire light in Neil's eyes and his expression changed ever so slightly. He leaned in close to the table, closer to Riko. “You know, I get it,” Neil began quietly and Kavinsky watched him lay into Riko. “Being raised as a superstar must be really, _really_ difficult for you.” His lips curled in a polite smile. “Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough.” He scoffed. “Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time.”

“Neil,” Kevin hissed, low and frantic. Kavinsky knew Neil was close to crossing a line, but this was gold. Kavinsky was almost disappointed that he wasn't recording this.

Neil completely ignored Kevin in favor of continuing. “I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, _please_ , just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.” Kavinsky noted that the smile never once left his face during his monologue.

Riko looked furious and the rest of the Ravens were stunned silent, a few jaws agape in disbelief. Kavinsky knew that look. It was the look Riko gave Ronan the first time he had the gall to beat Riko in a race. Ronan had been able to stand his ground. He wasn't sure that Neil could do the same.

Dan sat with her face in her face buried in her hands. Kavinsky wasn't sure if she was freaking out, on the verge of having a breakdown, or if she was silently laughing.

“Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice.”

“Matt,” Dan said, almost choking on his name. Laughter. Kavinsky couldn't figure out if it was because she found the exchange funny or terrifying.

“You can't say things like that,” Jean hissed, regaining his composure after Matt left to retrieve Wymack. Jean sounded more horrified than angry.

Neil gave him a flat look. “Then he shouldn't have asked me to join the conversation. I was happy sitting here saying nothing.”

The rest of the conversation went over Kavinsky's head. He could speak fluent Bulgarian, he was working on his Japanese, but he had yet to touch French—despite Swan's nagging before Kavinsky “died”.

Kavinsky did take in the angry tones that Jean and Kevin spoke in though. Speaking was a bit of an understatement. Jean was practically spitting his words at Kevin, furious and still shaken up by Neil's rant. Kavinsky also didn't miss the startled look Jean shot Neil when he joined the conversation as well. He watched as Kevin frowned and listened as Jean's tone lost its furious edge. Jean laughed. It sounded a bit hysterical to Kavinsky's ears.

“What the hell is going on over here?” Kavinsky looked up to see Wymack standing right behind Neil. He overheard Jean saying something to Riko in flustered Japanese. Before Kavinsky had a chance to mentally translate, Wymack gestured to his Foxes. “On your feet. Abby is talking to the event coordinators about finding us a new table.”

It took Kavinsky a millisecond to realize Neil hadn't gotten far. He turned to see him with Jean again, speaking in French. Kavinsky caught a single word, a name—a name that both Neil and Kevin knew judging from their reactions. Neil had paled and Kevin made a pathetic noise by his side. Neil flung an arm out and shoved Kevin aside, almost knocking him to the ground.

When they settled on the other side of the room by Abby, all the Foxes sat back in the same order as before save for Kevin and Neil. Kevin had Neil's jaw in his grip and was examining him closely. Kavinsky was all but kicking himself. If only he had been recording the exchange, he could translate it and figure out just what had happened. He had no doubt that Neil and Malcolm were the same person now. He also suspected that Neil was hiding other dangerous things, but he couldn't begin to put his finger on what.

He reflected on the night that Malcolm had left town.

* * *

_Kavinsky hadn't slept well again. He dreamed of darkness and monsters, mobsters and guns, yelling and gun fire, shrieks and screams. Somewhere among all the chaos, he found another figure, smaller than himself. It was a person this time, not a creature in any sense of the word. She was crouched and shadowy, but he was able to make out her long bangs framing her face. She had her hair in a bun with what looked like chopsticks stuck through it. “Do I know you?” he asked her, crouching down near her._

“ _No, but I know you,” she told him, a British accent filling his ears. “My son is in danger and it's not safe for him to stay here. Please protect him by sending him on his way.” She pressed something into his hand and shoved him away, pushing him over an incline._

_Kavinsky woke with a start and found himself on his floor, a perfectly made ID in his hand. It was made for Malcolm. It even had a professional-grade picture on it._

_When Malcolm showed up later that night, Kavinsky was in the theater sitting in the dark. He had turned on a Yule log for some amount of light and continued to stare at the ID. In the dark, even the smallest sounds became louder. He heard Malcolm approach and told him to sit. They locked eyes and Kavinsky had to stop himself from feeling anything. “I don't know who you really are and I'm not at liberty to ask. Life throws curve balls at all of us and I have reason to believe that that's why you are here.” There was a pause before, “Have this.” He pressed the ID into Malcolm's hands. “Better than your other one.” Kavinsky grinned. “This one has your current alias and picture.”_

“ _I...” Malcolm looked confused and lost for words. “Thank you. But how?”_

_Kavinsky thought of the woman in his dream._ _“Some secrets are better left unsaid,” Kavinsky told him with a sad smile. “You better put it to good use.” He gestured to the ID. “You don't have long now, before they know where you are.”_

_Malcolm went rigid and stared at the ID in his hand. His eyes shot up to Kavinsky's own, his hands worrying the edge of the card. “But you—the project—How?”_

_Kavinsky laid a hand on Malcolm's shoulder. “Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Keep in touch via email,” Kavinsky told him with a shrug. “If it gets to a point where I stop hearing from you, I'll kill your character off.” He could see the questions building in Malcolm's mind “Don't worry,” he said with a wave. “I got your back.”_

_He didn't know if he'd ever see Malcolm again, but he did intend to keep that promise._

* * *

The Foxes meandered the court, making small talk and socializing with the other teams. He avoided Ronan and Blue, neither of whom were paying attention because of their own bickering.

Kavinsky lost sight of Neil at some point and decided to look for him. He almost walked right into Swan who swore in French and reamed him out some more, switching back to English after he realized his whole rant had been in French. “Watch where you're going next time, you damn idiot,” he hissed.

Kavinsky gave him a blank look, quite used to Swan's antisocial attitude.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Swan bit out, not a fan of staring.

“Just assessing the competition,” Kavinsky told him, which was a half-truth. In the game against Virginia State, he'd be playing against Skov, Swan, Blue, Ronan, and whoever else happened to be on their team.

In the year and a half since his “death”, things had changed. He'd learned to be more subtle with his dream objects. One of which was the bandana he was wearing. It subtly changed his appearance. Upon wearing it, his hair had grown and lightened considerably. He was also able to change the color of his eyes. Once he took it off though, his appearance would change back; He noticed that swan got more tattoos which didn't surprise Kavinsky. What did surprise him was that Swan still didn't have a full sleeve. Maybe he exhausted his creativity after Kavinsky's death.

Swan gave him an icy glare and walked over to where Skov was playing volleyball. He watched Swan whisper something to the smaller boy who stared momentarily, a small frown creasing his brow. It was reassuring to see that his wolf pack hadn't completely fallen apart in his absence.

He was mildly surprised that he didn't see Gansey or Adam, though Adam had probably gone to school elsewhere. It was probably the same case for Gansey as well. Maybe they had gotten into the same college.

Some of the players recognized him from the Aglionby Ravens but not many. Those who did recognize him, he brushed off with a thick Bulgarian accent. Those who didn't... Well, he was supposedly dead. He took extra care to give Ronan and Blue space, because if anybody was going to know exactly who he was, it was them.

Kavinsky found it mildly amusing that Riko never recognized him from Aglionby. He just happened to follow Jiang to Henrietta after Kavinsky had allowed him to join his pack. Things had spiraled from there; street-racing, petty theft, drug deals—Things Kavinsky didn't want to let into Henrietta. If his pack was going to be doing drugs, he was going to be their supplier, not a dirty rat like Riko. Suffice to say that Riko didn't last long in the drug business after Kavinsky beat him in a race.

Speaking of the rat, where was he? Kavinsky scanned the crowd and saw the Ravens moving in a V formation toward Kevin and what K could only guess was Andrew and Neil since it was hard to see anything but Andrew's blond hair. Kavinsky made his way over to them, jostling past a few people on the way.

“Hey!” yelled a familiar angry voice. “You could say excuse me!” Kavinsky brushed that off and kept on his way, also ignoring the heated, “Bastard,” Blue muttered angrily when she thought he was out of earshot.

He watched Renee appear out of nowhere and loop her arm through Kevin's, extending her free hand to Jean. “Jean, wasn't it?” she asked with a light smile. “My name is Renee Walker. We didn't really get a chance to talk earlier.”

Jean accepted her handshake, obviously more than a little uncomfortable. “Jean Moreau.”

“Neil Josten,” someone said. Kavinsky sidled up to Neil, close but not touching, just enough to let Neil know he was there as well. Two men and woman stood in a tight clump to their left. The man offered a sneer instead of a hand and Kavinsky mimicked the gesture. “We are the Ravens' starting strikers. We wanted you to see us so you know what an offense team really looks like.”

Kavinksy snorted. “More like offensive,” he muttered. He stepped up, shielding Neil from them. “Dragomir Kradets,” he introduced himself in a Bulgarian accent. He locked eyes with Riko briefly. “But you already knew that. Striker and backliner for the Foxes, also ready to step up where I'm needed.”

“Matt Boyd, starting backliner for the Foxes,” Matt said from his place beside Neil. “I'm the one who's going to be wrecking your goals this October. Nice to meet you.” He held his hand out but wasn't surprised when nobody took it. “Guess the pleasure's all mine.”

“We're sure it is,” the Raven striker said, “seeing how you're dating a prostitute.”

“Stripper,” Dan corrected, coming up to stand beside Matt, her stilettos dangling off her fingers by their thin straps. “Hopefully you're smart enough to distinguish between the two professions. If you're not, I have serious concerns about your academic standings.”

“Hennessey, right?” one of the strikers said. “Such a good name for such a fierce spirit.”

“We were a little disappointed you didn't sign up as part of the entertainment tonight,” one of the others said. “We were looking forward to the show.” He gave her a syrupy slow once-over and Kavinsky wanted nothing more than to make a scene.

Kavisky's balled fist was shaking at his side. He had friends who were strippers back home and he would fight any misogynistic piece of shit who saw them as nothing more than a piece of meat. He was surprised that Matt didn't do anything but upon a quick glance back he saw that Dan's fingers were digging into his hip as a warning.

Dan slid around the boys to get in the Raven's personal space. The striker grinned at Matt over Dan's shoulder, then he tilted forward and sucked in a deep breath against her neck. Dan brought her stilettos up between his legs in a vicious punch which brought him to his knees with an inhuman yelp.

“Yeah, Hennessey.” She sounded much calmer than she probably should have in the face of that treatment. “Treats you right if you're willing to pay and will fuck you over the morning after if you're not nice enough to her. Sorry, but this bottle's got a name on it. Hope you feel that one for awhile, you lowlife asshole.”

_* * *_

Later that night, Kavinsky lay in bed, reflecting on everything that happened that day.

* * *

_Kavinsky remembered seeing Neil walk away from the group when Coach Moriyama approached. Kavinsky thought he was just putting space between himself and the coach so he really didn't think much of it until Matt mentioned Neil's complete disappearance. Kavinsky had glanced around the court to see no trace of Neil. He wasn't back at the table, he wasn't chatting with other teams. Furthermore, Riko had disappeared as well and that alarmed him more._

_He took off at a dead run, straight to the locker room. Matt hadn't been far behind but it was enough space that Kavinsky witnessed Riko leaning in close to Neil before he quickly pulled away. It was just long enough that Kavinsky knew he hadn't been seeing things. “What are you up to, Riko?” he asked, loud enough that Matt could hear him._

“ _He didn't have one,” Neil insisted. Who didn't have what, Kavinsky didn't know, and now wasn't the time to ask. “I don't believe you.” There was dread in his voice. Whatever they had been talking about had gotten under Neil's skin._

* * *

He rolled over in his bed, facing Matt. “Do you believe what Neil said in the locker room? That what he said to Riko is the reason Kevin had to get shitfaced.” He flopped onto his back. “Because I don't.”

There was silence for a bit and Kavinsky believed Matt to be asleep, but then he spoke. “I don't think it matters what I think. What happened happened.”

“Yes, but _why_ did it happen is what I want to know. We know Kevin had to get drunk. We saw him leave with Abby. But why? If it had more to do with what Neil said back at our table then that was a delayed reaction.”

Matt silently shrugged. “Why does it bother you so much?”

Kavinsky shook his head. “You don't know Riko like I do. This isn't my first time dealing with him.” He reflected on the facial expressions that he'd seen during the French conversation that Jean, Neil, and Kevin had. “You weren't paying attention when they were speaking in French, were you? I don't understand the language, but I understand enough about facial expressions to recognize that whatever they talked about was a pretty heated topic.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jiang is an ex-Raven who was protected by K and who is now protected by Declan now that K is “out of the picture”.
> 
> His exy career is behind him now that he isn’t a Raven. Only by beating Declan in street races, will Riko be able to get Jiang back on the team, but Declan won’t have it and keeps leaving Riko in the dust.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully this made sense and didn’t feel rushed. Things will slow down as the fic progresses and we get to see more into Neil and Kavinsky’s relationship.
> 
> Neil also wants to keep that detail away from Andrew because Neil isn’t at all sure what Andrew will do with that small detail.


End file.
